Tuesday, December 20, 2005

very merry.



somehow Christmas snuck up this year. instead of enjoying the season all month long, it'll all have to be jammed into one fantastic week. the pink palace looks lovely (see above) and looked even merrier this weekend when 20 of our collective friends came to celebrate with us. it's so good to have a full house (apartment) and to see friends mesh together. to look around and see how God's answered my prayers from last may in a major way. an awesome combination of those i've know for a couple weeks:





and old friends who i've known since jr high, and in the best ways, haven't changed that much:





i grew up excited that santa was coming, convinced that i heard reindeer on our roof, amazed when the milk, cookies and carrots were gone christmas day, but never knowing the deal with the baby in the manger. now as a christian, i still find it hard to focus on christ, and find myself falling back into the ritual of it all. i don't know, maybe this will be the year i'll read Luke's christmas story with my family. maybe this will be the year where we thank God together for coming to fill the gap we make between us and Him. maybe this will be the year He's more glorified than our gifts.

but can't that be translated into daily life too? isn't it a daily struggle? what about dec 24th...will i glorify Him above all else then?

Monday, December 05, 2005

just another manic monday.

tell me again, why don't i have a graphic design degree?
God, i'm waiting.

something must have happened while i was in art school that busted up that sensible part of me that used to think about the future. man, if i had only learned all of the Adobe programs, and Quark. i mean, i know why i decided not to go into it...decided to paint and create instead of sell someone elses products with design...decided to take pride in what i produced instead of making something purely commercial. but jeeze, if only i had stayed with that, i might have a "real" job right now instead of selling clothes. and honestly, part of me still wants that. part of me.

i want to scream...I HAVE A DEGREE.

i know all these decisions are for a reason. God was in them and took me through them. i graduated, went to kenya...but right now? somewhere i lost the desire. i hate that i can't think of (or maybe admit to) one place i'd want to be in a year because i'm too scared that i'll screw it up. what to pursue? God. how do i do that where i'm at right now? Art? Design? Ministry? Missions?

God, i'm waiting.
and trying to be thankful for it.